Discovering I am not an herbalist

& the freedom it brought me

When I started along this plant path, I did so because I wanted to be “useful”. I think many of you will understand the grief and desire to help a bleeding world. I thought if I could master the medicinal value of plants and craft them into a form that would heal, I could make a difference.

In these past many years, I think I did that in some ways. But as this year continues to show me different parts of myself, I realized I would never have the skill (because I didn’t have the passion) for analyzing scientific studies and breaking down medicinal compounds like Guido Masé. I would never have the drive to craft and produce intuitive medicines like Jacqui Wilkins.

What I found this year instead, was that my passion, obsession, ambition revolves around the story of a plant, of the land. It really always has. I love tracing the delicate threads that connect the natural world to our world, in discovering different ways to weave them back together. I seek to come as close to that creative spirit of our universe as I can, and to share it with other people.

What you may or may not know is that I am trained as an artist. I received my BFA from Kendall College of Art and Design and worked for a few years in the design field. This act of creation was my first love and it’s continued to be something I’ve incorporated into my solo work. But I felt like it could never stand on its own because it didn’t really fix anything did it?

This year of reflection made it very clear that this curiosity, this passion you have ingrained within you, no matter how obscure or seemingly unimportant it may be, is there for a reason.

We are born with rare seeds sown within us, waiting to germinate, to see if we take the time and intention to tend them. To deny the growth of those seeds for something that we determine to be more “useful” would be a disservice to the soul itself. Instead, that usefulness comes not from doing things we think to be useful, but to do things we love and seeing how those things blossom into something useful on their own.

I shake my head at myself, amazed yet again at how most growth in life comes from the release of control.

I used to never direct seed plants into the soil because I thought I could grow them better in trays where I could micromanage their conditions constantly. To leave them to the whims of the wild seemed bound for failure.

Of course I was wrong. As I rushed to start the garden one year, I quickly planted some corn, sunflowers and nasturtiums in an open bed in desperation. It was almost comical how shocked I was when they sprouted. Nature has been doing this germination thing for millions of years. To think I had to have my hand in the process was ridiculous.

Our journey to meld our passion with our purpose is the same. Stop trying to force it. Stop trying to be “good”. Just be. Just do.

This is a radical act in a world that is constantly telling us we are not doing enough. But if I can look at myself at the end of the day and be proud of what I’ve created, what I believe in, how I show up in the world, it is always enough.

Now, instead of calling myself an herbalist, maybe I will call myself a storyteller, an artist, a devotee to the land, as I tap back into those places that loved creating things that go beyond the physical. The desire to meld that love with the natural world that holds me so closely is what guides me now.

Perhaps a plant’s physical medicine will show up here and there (this can be an act of creativity too), but medicine comes in so many different forms. I will still tincture fresh nettle and blue vervain at high summer and plant chamomile and tulsi in the garden for tea, but I’ve healed just as much from words in a book as from a plant at times. Both are good, both are useful.

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“There is a supreme intelligence in the universe, which wishes for communion with us. This supreme intelligence longs to be known. It calls out to us. It draws us close to its mystery, and grants us these remarkable minds, in order that we try to reach for it. It wants us to find it. It wants union with us, more than anything.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, The Signature of All Things

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Much love,

Val